What am I Doing Wrong?

Hey guys! Thanks for joining me again this week. I have some good stuff for you. This week’s writing is a culmination of different polls taken from my women’s group about “turn offs.” I often hear from my clients that women are so hard to figure out, and then they will list reasons why they think women don’t like them. Is that you? Let me solve your problem. Women are NOT hard to figure out and your list of reasons why women don’t like you...well...that is only YOUR list. Here’s the truth about what is turning women off:

Holy Halitosis! Bad breath is the worst! This is actually the most common reason that a woman will not talk to you. Not only will she discontinue the conversation, but there is no chance of kissing her and believe me, she is not going to let you put your mouth anywhere else either. Brush. Floss. Water Pic. Mouth Rinse. Mints. Gum. Whatever it takes. Be fresh or don’t talk. Women pay attention to hygiene. More turn offs include dirty fingernails, torn clothing, greasy hair, bad toenails, and sweat.

Unsolicited dick pics are a no-no. The first response a woman has to a dick-pic she didn't request is “eeewwwww, gross.” Women are just not aroused visually that way. Even my lesbian friends don’t like getting pussy shots, straight out of the gate. There is an exception: if she asks you to send a dick pick. Women do like to get the pics once they have asked for them. But just know that the pics are usually viewed with “aaaaw, that’s so cute and funny-- he wants to show me his dick,” rather than “wow! That is hot and I’m going to go masturbate to it.” You decide how you want to be perceived.

Women are turned off by arrogance, but love confidence. Women are turned off by insecurity, but appreciate vulnerability. Women are turned off by needy, lazy, self-entitled, mansplainers who lack compassion and empathy. The unwillingness to learn, grow, communicate, and try new things are a big turn off. Does the list seem to be getting too long and complicated? Don't worry. These are the same things that men complain about regarding women. Think about it, though. These should be turn offs for everyone, not just women seeking men.

Here are a couple of examples of recent dating experiences from women in my group where men actually talked themselves out of a date with no input at all. Quite literally in both incidents, these men sabotaged themselves before the adventure even began. This type of situation happens frequently, don’t let it be you. (I have changed the names to protect confidentiality).

Here is a story from Sally.

A couple of months ago I met a man at a bar and gave him my phone number. He texted me once but nothing became of it. Then I received a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize and they did not leave a message. Not knowing who it was, I returned the call and said, “Hi, I just received a call from this number.” The man proceeded to try and remind me of who he was. Apparently he was upset that I didn’t return his text from 6 or 8 weeks ago. He continued on describing all the wonderful dates he would have taken me on, but I didn’t respond. I said “Okay. Thank you for calling” and hung up. When I went back and checked the number I found that we had actually exchanged about 4 text messages. Mine was the last, it said, “I’m just checking in, Hope you are having a great day.” That was all.

Sally's potential date was so rude with a voice of anger on the phone that she knew she did not want to give him a chance. In all reality he probably felt neglected or like she was blowing him off. He could’ve handled it simply by asking “We haven't talked in awhile, are you at all interested in going on a date?” Communication is key. He lost out by being mad at someone he doesn’t even know. He created the whole scenario in his head and reacted to something that never happened. Sally wasn’t blowing him off then, but she definitely has now!

Here is a story from Trish.

I met a gentleman and gave him my number. When I got home that night he texted, “It was nice to meet you. Have a good night.” That is a perfectly acceptable text. The next day my phone started blowing up with texts wanting to know about me and what I am doing. I don’t answer texts immediately. Sometimes I only respond once a day. In the course of a few hours I received several texts of which I did not respond to. It started out with “You must be too busy to talk to a guy like me” and ended with, “You are just a self righteous bitch who thinks she can walk all over me.” As I read back over the texts I could see how he had talked himself into a fury making all kinds of assumptions about me simply because I did not reply immediately. Needless to say, he got blocked.

STOP with the texting! If you are my client you know how much I discourage long texting. Text is for directions or “What is a good time to call you?” That’s all. Are you having a relationship with your device, or with a person? In this case he was having a relationship with his device, and it was not going well.

Women fall in love with you for the way you make them feel. Consider each of these situations. How do you think those encounters made the woman feel? Guilty? Humiliated? Less than? Mad? No good feelings, that is for sure, and neither one got a second chance.

What makes a man attractive is the way he treats the world and the people around him. Do you consider or even notice the world around you? Do you treat people kindly and respectfully? How do you make people feel when you are around? Go out and make someone feel good today. Create a practice to ‘make someone's day,’ everyday. It’s sexy. You will be amazed at the type of people you will attract with just a little kindness. Plus, it feels good. It’s what women want.